


dreamcatcher

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Psychological Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-23
Updated: 2011-01-23
Packaged: 2019-01-30 08:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12649818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Nakamaru felt like some kind of nocturnal superhero in his own mind.





	dreamcatcher

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“It was embarrassing to share a bed, but lying next to Nakamaru is the best sleep I’ve ever had,” Ueda tells the interviewer.

That line never gets printed.

~

In the beginning, it was involuntary. With his family, even, Nakamaru thought that it was normal – the role of the only son. He boasted about it for years, until he got old enough to where it wasn’t cute anymore and his father told him to stop spouting nonsense.

It’s not possible to battle someone else’s sleep demons, Papa said.

He was wrong, but Nakamaru kept it quiet after that. Without anyone to talk to or learn from, he had to develop this talent on his own, testing his theories and pushing his limits to fully understand it. Even after he could access the Internet, there didn’t seem to be anyone else who could do what he could.

By the time he joined Johnny’s, he could watch over his sisters from a distance. His awareness and ability to combat subconscious evils was dependant on how emotionally close he was to the dreamer, he realized. He even watched over his skeptical father, keeping his smugness to himself when Papa would tell someone how peaceful his sleep has been.

Eventually, the sleep demons stopped bothering them. Nakamaru figures it because they’re _his_ family and he’s the fighter. They’re interesting creatures, sleep demons. They visit the weak-minded, latching onto insecurities and fears in the form of explicit nightmares. At least, that’s what Nakamaru sees when he fights them in his head. He’s never actually experienced one for himself. They don’t dare approach him directly.

When KAT-TUN was formed, Nakamaru’s first instinct was to protect them like he had his family. Combined, the other members were so strong-willed that they clashed, causing so many worries and concerns that it was like a giant bonfire that called the sleep demons night after night.

During the times they had to share a room, Nakamaru was so exhausted from taking on multiple demons at once that his own rest was compromised. It was worth it, though, even if their slumber was the only thing that was peaceful back then.

As they grew older, Nakamaru thought the demons would disappear much like they had with his family. Instead, it seemed that they came more often. Nakamaru felt like some kind of nocturnal superhero in his own mind as he jumped from one subconscious to the next throughout the night, responding to the undeniable pleas for his help.

The others never knew about this. Nakamaru was scared to tell them, because collectively they were suspicious like his father and they didn’t need any more ammunition to make fun of him.

Besides, he doesn’t think they’d want to know the evils that he’s saving them from.

~

He almost told Ueda. While every member is special to him in their own way, Ueda has always been the closest in terms of age and acceptance. Out of everyone, Ueda was the most likely to understand.

In the beginning, Ueda’s nightmares were always in regards to failure. Not being good enough, being severely reprimanded or even fired for it. Nakamaru’s heart broke a little each time he had to save Ueda, and he had to struggle not to comfort him in the daylight. Nakamaru could only make the demons go away, not cure any doubts.

Now Ueda’s dreams are haunted by regret. Leaving his old band, giving up his position as leader, letting down his parents. At first, Nakamaru thought it was odd that this seemingly confident man who has grown to become comfortable in his own skin was so stuck on the past, but as he encountered the same demons over and over again, it occurred to him that this might be the reason _why_.

Nakamaru was responsible for these regrets never making it to the surface.

He almost told Ueda, because Ueda was the first one who actually made Nakamaru proud to be the one to rid his mind of such thoughts.

~

Kame was second. Already Nakamaru had a soft spot for him, as the youngest, protecting him during waking hours as well as at night.

His fondness for Kame is probably the only reason he kept going back. Nakamaru is no psychology expert, but Kame’s demons were borderline insane, causing harm and exacting revenge on anyone and any _thing_ that crossed him.

Explosions, cold-blooded murder, sadistic torture – if Nakamaru were capable of having nightmares himself, Kame’s demons would have definitely caused them. Jin was at his mercy the most, and it took Nakamaru awhile to understand that it wasn’t out of hatred – it was because Jin was Kame’s main competition.

Nakamaru likes to think that battling Kame’s demons has saved many lives, including Kame’s. While sleep demons usually don’t _influence_ conscious behavior, Nakamaru doesn’t want to take any chances.

If anything, Kame remaining blissfully unaware of these horrible thoughts, even in nightmare form, is better than the alternative.

~

Koki already has four brothers, but Nakamaru feels like he’s the fifth one with as often as he’s saved all of their lives. The most outrageous and outspoken of their group is also the most consistent in his nightmares, which usually involve something unspeakable happening to one of his family members.

A few times it has been Koki himself who was incapacitated for one reason or another, but it’s always affected his family. It’s quite morbid, actually – centering on death or disability to the point where he feels (in his dream) that he would be a burden to whoever had to take care of him.

Fighting Koki’s demons really does make Nakamaru feel like a superhero. Pulling him out of a dream is the same as pulling him or his loved one out of the street, away from the oncoming car and back into whatever Koki dreams about normally.

Nakamaru can’t see anything else, just what the demons bring with them, although he wishes he could. Koki in particular – what would he dream about? Nakamaru imagines shiny gold and velvet with a hip-hop bass line.

It’s lame to admit anywhere except in his own head, but Nakamaru has never felt so loved until he had to save _himself_ in Koki’s nightmare.

~

Taguchi is always moving. He’s the one no one wants to share a bed with, because he kicks in his sleep, and Nakamaru knows why. In his dreams, Taguchi is running from something. Falling from somewhere. Grasping for something solid as everything around him turns to dust.

When Nakamaru stops to think about it, it’s actually quite terrifying. Part of the horror is in the repetition, when Taguchi constantly looks back behind him to see whatever it is that’s making him reach out. He never catches anything, so he keeps running, falling, and grasping until he finally wakes himself up with a quickened breath and most likely a high heart rate. If Taguchi recalls these nightmares, Nakamaru hasn’t heard of it.

It’s a complicated demon to battle, because the repetition continues even after the trigger is gone. Nakamaru often wonders if Taguchi has some kind of hormonal imbalance or psychological disorder that causes his brain to replay these actions like a skipping record. But he seems completely normal any other time, or at least as normal as Taguchi can be, so there’s probably no cause for worry.

The best Nakamaru can do is give him something to grab onto. Mentally, that is. Even just a sturdy pole or rope is enough to pull him out of the loop, and then it’s over until the next demon attacks.

After the cycle is broken, before Nakamaru is kicked out of his head, Taguchi grins and flies away.

~

Even though he’s been gone for awhile now, Nakamaru can still fight for Jin. It’s awkward due to the time difference, but Jin sleeps so late that usually Nakamaru can catch the tail end of it.

Jin’s nightmares have evolved over the years, but one main theme remained the same – submission. When he was a teenager, he would dream of getting beaten up or humiliated. When KAT-TUN got popular, he dreamed of being yelled at, hit, and ridiculed by fans. Even complete strangers would be unnecessarily rude to him, women calling him out on all of his inferiorities, kids and adults ripping up his pictures and spitting on him.

Since he’s been solo, all of the above have been solely done by his ex-bandmates. It started before his official departure, even before the announcement of his overseas concerts. If Nakamaru had to theorize, he would probably say it started the second Jin considered leaving the group. Guilty conscience and all.

It became difficult to face Jin after hearing himself scream at him, calling him a traitor and a liar and a long list of other unfavorable terms that Jin’s demons seemed to rotate. The other members, Nakamaru could handle – he knows for a fact that Kame has actually said some of those things to his face – but the nightmares with Nakamaru hurt him the most, because he can’t just smack Jin in the head and tell him to stop being stupid.

Jin’s demons take the other members’ previous statements and twist them, put words into their mouths, and sprinkle it with an air of superiority as they go on to tell him what a horrible person he is and why. Meanwhile, Jin stands there and takes it, staring at each one of them blankly with no defense or anger. He also has no remorse, at least until it’s gone on long enough for him to crack.

Nakamaru has only let that happen once. He woke up with tears in his eyes in the middle of the night after seeing a similar reaction on Jin’s face in his mind. Even if he has to punch his own self in the nose, Nakamaru will put a stop to it before it gets too far.

He doesn’t know if Jin’s obsessions transfer into his conscious at all, but Nakamaru makes it a point to tell him how proud he is of him every now and then anyway.

~

“Is he sleeping right now?”

“Yeah.”

With heavy eyelids, Kame assesses the other three men piled in his hotel room. “Why didn’t any of us notice this before?”

“We haven’t shared rooms for awhile?” Koki guesses, followed by a giant yawn. “I sleep so soundly that I wouldn’t hear anything, anyway.”

“I’m really worried about him,” Ueda says, frowning at Kame. “He tosses and turns, groans and cries out, kicking and grabbing whatever he can find – usually his pillow. Like he’s trying to fight something.”

Kame’s phone beeps, and the youngest member rushes to check it. “Oops, I woke up Jin,” he says, cringing guiltily as he keeps scrolling. “He says Nakamaru has always been like that, even when we were kids, and where the fuck have we been this whole time?”

“He can’t be sleeping well like that,” Ueda continues to fret. “Maybe we should try changing the atmosphere to relax him? Scented candles or soothing music, or something.”

On Kame’s bed, Taguchi stares up at the ceiling solemnly. “Nightmares are psychological,” he tells them. “Usually they’re caused by an underlying fear.”

“It’s Nakamaru,” Kame points out. “He’s scared of _everything_.”

Ueda shrugs. “Maybe he just needs a hug.”

The younger three all pretend to find something interesting to look at, and Ueda rolls his eyes and huffs as he returns to the room he shares with Nakamaru.

He curls up to Nakamaru’s back, wrapping strong arms around his waist, and instantly the thrashing stops.

~

In his head, Nakamaru is once again saving Ueda. Compared to the others, Ueda’s battles are easy, but Nakamaru was still recovering from Taguchi. His loop had been particularly stubborn tonight.

Usually after the demons are gone, the scene materializes into the next one or Nakamaru’s own dreams, but this time he’s left standing alone with the other man.

Ueda reaches for him and pulls him into an embrace, and Nakamaru is finally at peace.


End file.
